Being alone in a crowded room

How is it that a person can be surrounded by people and yet feel so utterly alone some times?

That person can even be around those that they know and love, and yet still have the sense that they are cut off slightly from them.

The standoffish feeling doesn't neccessarily have to stem from an argument or contradictory views. It can simply be that you think in a way that is different from those around you. Oh, you can relate to them in many other ways. But there is always that one area that is made up of entirely you. Unique and different from those around you.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Oh, absolutely. I have felt like that my entire life. It was different when I was a child and a teenager and I was still not entirely sure why I felt so different and so cut off. Now that I've become an adult and faced some serious changes and struggles it's grown much more deep and intense. I remember a couple of years ago going to a church activity - one like so many I'd been to before, with all the same people - and I felt like a non-entity. I wanted to cry, I was suddenly so overwhelmed with things I had been going through and how separated I felt from everyone.

Sometimes it is something very personal and emotional and serious, isn't it, or is the result of some pain or injustice or falling out. Other times it's nothing more than, like you said, thinking in a different way. I used to delight in it. I thought of that line spoken by Uncle Andrew in C.S. Lewis's “The Magician's Nephew” - “…ours is a high and lonely destiny…”. I suggest looking that up if you can, that one line is powerful enough, but it's better to read it in its context. Oh, how I related to that…a high and lonely destiny. I've always felt that that's what I have. Maybe some of us do. Maybe we think and feel so differently and yearn for something - we may not ever achieve it or even know what it is - that we will always be somewhat cut off. It's difficult, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Although now it does frighten me, because I feel like I will always have some desire that won't ever be satisfied, or that I'll never be truly known or loved for who I believe myself to really be. Frankly, I'm tired of feeling alone, but I've always felt that way and I believe that on some level I always will.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I've accepted the fact that I'll always be somewhat different than everyone else. I've been at peace with it for a couple of years now. I was just throwing it out there to see if anyone here has ever felt the same.

I for the most part embrace my differentness, for it is simply a part of who I am that makes me unique from the average person. But in this I have found solace, for not everyone out there is just the average Joe or Jane. Everyone has their own thoughts, opinions, and views.
Much of the world today looks at those things in a similar view which can be summed up in this well known line, “Speak now or forever hold your (piece/peace)”.

Personally, I find more inner peace when I let what makes me different show, rather than hold it forever inside.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Hello Meredith,
                         I too, at least on occasion feel just so, but, what grabbed me and promptedf my response was your mention of C.S. LewIs and the Magicians Nephew.
I believe myself to have been subject to much good fortune in comming across The Lion, The Whitch and the Wardrobe.
Simply delightfull.
To this day i enjoy C.S.Lewis and what he has presented to us.
Love and bet wishes to yo and all fellow Gaians.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Hey Rachel,

I've felt the same way as well. I may only be a high schooler, but I can feel the changes of adulthood brewing inside. I used to be very close with my friends, and now that we're off doing our own things, it can get quite lonely. I'm a part of my school's musical theatre program, and it's a very tight-knit group. We share the deepest secrets, and the most intellectual conversations (sort of like Gaia), but a lot of the people there feel “too” part of the crowd. I think I am only one of the few people who feels that I am an individual, and that I will never really be part of a group. I feel that sometimes I learn, laugh, and live through problems with them, but that I can also do it on my own and I won't feel alone. It's a strange feeling, I agree.

Hi! =)

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Hey Scherzo,

It's nice to know that there's more people who know what I'm talking about. I used to resent the fact that I didn't completely “fit in” with the main crowd. But now, it's not nearly so bad. I realized that being different can be a blessing as well as being a curse somtimes. We're the type of people who can relate to others according to certain situations, but just don't seem to fit into the mold that so many others do.

We're different for a reason. And we think the way that we do for many different reasons, may it be background, circumstances, or were just born apart from the rest. We can use our differentness to our benefit and profit from being open minded. Not everyone may be accepting of what they perceive as different and therefore not readily welcomed. We can succeed in the world without masking our differentness. I'm starting to and it turns out that I'm liked by a lot of people back home here because of it.

A good number of people appreciate when someone is genuine with them. Upfront and confident in what they believe in and who they are. Even if they don't always agree with you, they will respect the fact that you are genuine and don't just follow the crowd. In short, it's always better to be true to yourself.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Agreed. I always find that knowing who and how I am helps me live my life to the best that it could be =)

I'm glad I'm not alone either. I felt a little off when this type of feeling happens. I'm glad to know that there are other people who experience this phenomenon

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

It is a great comfort to know that no matter how alone, lost, or cut off you feel, there is always someone out there who will understand. Everyone has there own unique experiance, and it's unlikely another person will go through the exact same things and feelings, but things can be closely related enough for another person to emphasize with you. Somehow, somewhere, there is always someone who will know what you're talking about.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Sometimes lonliness is felt to strip you away of your worldy connections. Often times we find ourselves concentrating on fruitless banter. Small talk replaces ideas and stories replace the future. For a realistic person, sometimes it's just too much.

But being removed is also quite important and when that alone time is sacrificed your soul will find stillness in a crowded room.

I grew up in a beautiful small town in the heart of the west. Five thousand people town and not one of them was removed from your business, all the sudden I found myself in Salt Lake City surronded by people and more alone than I'd ever been. I wasn't depressed by my experience though… I was freed.  For once I could walk down a street without passing cars studying me, I could walk into a gas station and buy ciggerettes without prosecution, I was finally alone.

So take alone time with a grain of salt because everything that is also has baggage. A balance of negitive and positive is always a present battle and without recognition the positive easily turns the other way.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I read Native Europeans evolved in agrarian villages of 150-300 over the course of the last 10,000 years; Africans in tribes of 75-150, with other hominids in these ranges. We dont live like that now, and aint very good at it. Hominids are not a mass herd species.

Then too, shamen and witches did what we now call case management, but unlike the professionals we have now, actually lived with the cases. While the shrinks may have done well by severe cases, psychosis, when one looks at more normal states of being, comfort or discomfort, they are clueless.

I was more fortunate; a Cherokee witch lived with me long enuf to assess my situation, diet, activity level, then provide the supplements and herbal meds I use on a daily basis. But was also able to perform lunar rituals with entheogens to extend the range of my spiritual research.

But then moved on to manage a more demanding case, altho still staying over from time to time to see how the regimin is doing. The current acolyte also comes by for lunar Tantra with whatever my latest experiments with entheogenic alchemy produced which we discussed yesterday for the next ritual. The last time the head witch was here she gave me a bottle of Enzyte.

I'm not that impressed with it, but was not dysfunctional to start with. But, I can understand how she would not be able to evaluate it. We are all trying new compounds that come to our attention all the time. Consider:

We all understand how the lack of trace amounts of Iodine in an area leads to goiter. But why would we assume that a trace mineral lack would only have physical, and not mental effects? We no longer live in the local ecosystems our ancestry evolved in, and so we dont have the same full set of trace minerals and micronutrients in the diet. Sometimes moving helps.

But a few years ago, I dosed my garden with trace minerals, and yesterday got a shipment of Greensand which I sent back with the acolyte with application instructions for the garden and land there. As an entheogenic alchemist, with a large collection of obscure herbs in my garden, its not so simple for me to just pull up stakes and move. Plants have their own trace mineral profiles.

We are somewhat in limbo as well because another head witch in the network had a very bad car crash that has severely crippled her. Our head witch is up there to help out and assess the situation as to whether her sister will be able to carry on performing rituals and processions. We dunno how long that will take. But in any case, this is all among rural people who all know each other.

I dont ever have that experience of being alone among strangers. I do often have solitude living alone in the woods, which I know many ancestors also often did. Its a perfectly comfortable state alone with Mother Nature. Maybe if more people had more time alone with Her, they wouldnt feel so alone in the city so much. I do see increasing numbers of women moving to my neck of Ozark woods. I know two who work online, from homes in the woods.

Small communities are known to be stifling; but thinking on it all those reports are from Christian communities. The pagans I know here dont seem to have the problem. In part, this must be due to the lack of hypocrisy and judgment about sex. We dont hide what we do, and we dont try to tell anyone else how to do it. We are not inhibited, so we dont live in denial.

Again, our hominid ancestry did have some who were monogamous, but that was not the standard put up for everyone. There were always sexual rituals that stirred the genetic pot to minimize the effect of inbreeding in small gene pools. I've heard ancestral bells of my memory ring when with a dozen or more naked people rubbing up against each other in the shower or sweatlodge.

I didnt know many there, but I did not feel alone. With this, or a safe sex orgy, rooms dont hardly get any more crowded. Imagine a Tokyo Subway- naked. It is like a litter of pups; all they want to do is rub on each other.

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I do enjoy a lot of alone time. I'm not exactly a social butterfly. My feeling of aloneness came more from having a different way of thinking compared to the mass majority around me. There are those few people who I can really talk to at home here. With the rest, there's only certain things that we can really talk about, without akward silences springing up.

Come to think of it, call me weird, but I'm actually more comfortable talking to strangers about things that are important to me or controversial issues. It's probably because I don't particularly care what strangers think about what I say. Within reason of course. With people I care about, the situation would be more delicate. I would be careful to not say anything too drastic so as not to damage our relationship. With really close friends who I know understand me, it wouldn't be like that, this would pertain more to my older family members and relatives.

It seems that the majority of my generation is caught up in the mundane and meaningless aspects of life. I have no patience for the drama and petty arguments that have sprung up before between my old friends. I enjoy talking and joking with the people who aren't caught up in such nonsense though, and I hope I meet more of them. :)

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

it is a painful place to be, dear Jenny. I hope that through your explorations you can come in time to a place of openness and light. warmest wishes!

love and hugs,

nicole

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Dear Nicole,

Is it really a painful place to be? I have to admit that it isn't to me. And I don't remember it to ever have been. I don't mind the occassional secludedness and absend-mindedness that occurs when I'm in a room full of people or friends. I have always accepted it as what I am like. It's kind of like I'm not a clique-person. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But esp. during my youth but also up to this day, a lot of my friends were hanging out in groups, doing everything together. And even though I belonged to my friends and they considered me to belong to their specific group, I never did. I was friends with many different groups without ever really considering myself to be a part of them. At times it did make me feel like an outsider but I was usually quickly reminded that it does have advantages, too. I saw many a group/clique split nastily over some drama and I could always remain friends with everyone (and hear the different sides' view) because I wasn't part of it.
So I handle being alone in a crowded room pretty well.

What is not quite so easy is the panic-like loneliness I have when enganged in serious conversations with my friends. That is something I wish I handled better. When it occurs, I feel like running away. The good thing is though that it usually happens when I talk to close friends who know me well and they sense that something is wrong and acknowledge it which at least allows me to just be myself. Thus I wouldn't have to try real hard to be present but, of course, I still do because at that moment I want to appear “normal” in order to avoid talking about what I'm going through.

Oh my, does any of this make sense?! :))

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Dear Jenny,

What is not quite so easy is the panic-like loneliness I have when enganged in serious conversations with my friends.

That is what I meant. No, there is nothing wrong with slipping away into the solitude of your mind, I do it a fair bit too and it's a little like a mini-vacation :) But the panic-like loneliness has a different emotional feel to it, from what you are saying.

When it occurs, I feel like running away

A few months ago, a friend asked me, when I described my stomach being in knots, what I was afraid of. It doesn't matter what I responded. I won't presume that you are experiencing fear, but it does sound like it to me, so if it is fear, and if it helps you to explore that at all, then you may wish to do that…

The good thing is though that it usually happens when I talk to close friends who know me well and they sense that something is wrong and acknowledge it which at least allows me to just be myself. Thus I wouldn't have to try real hard to be present but, of course, I still do because at that moment I want to appear “normal” in order to avoid talking about what I'm going through.

Oh my, does any of this make sense?! :))

That is a good thing indeed. Isn't it wonderful when people just let you be yourself? So, you feel reluctant to talk about what you're going through…

Yes, this all makes a lot of sense.

Love you,

Nicole

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This differentness is both a blessing and a curse at times. We are all unique, but some of us travel on a slightly different wavelength than others. We can take solace in solitude and yet sometimes grow lonely from it. It is natural to want to be near others. It may sometimes feel like you're on the outside looking in. Not many of those close to us completely understand, but they do on some level.

It is also a blessing that we're this way. It is part of who we are and therefore what will help us make a difference in this world. To step outside the boundaries of normal thinking and introduce something new, in whatever sense you can.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room (to Meredith too :=])

Hi everyone.

There is a gift in feeling alone in a crowded room. It is the exemplification of who we are, and who the others are as well. It is OK and healthy to be able to be outside of ourselves to absorb the world and people around us. Perhaps, when we feel uncomfortable, we should seek to understand what is really missing? And is anything really missing? The conscious reality of being a singular individual makes us all unique. At the same time, we are the same people, woven from the same thread.

Being alone in a crowded room can happen to anyone. And many people go through phases in their lives when they prefer solitude. However, dwelling on being separate can be stiffling. Fnd the connectivity to the objects and subjects of your environment when you have feeling like these. Why are you there? Why are they there? Choices vs circumstances. Are you there to help others or to help yourself? Being in touch with everything that makes up the experience can be something you do before attending a function. It may put your mind at rest, or it may not. :=]

Remember to honor your mind and spirit. If your mind is busy contemplating how separate you are from others - your mind can damage you on a spiritual level. Hey, just find a balance, and you will be happy. I hope this for you.

the best of all worlds are available to you. be open. chin up. treat yourself!

:+) hugs, kalyse

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room (to Meredith too :=])

Very well said, Kalyse! Thanks so much!!!

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room (to Jenny too :=])

Oops, Hi Jenny,

I took a break and then just came back and edited. Then, you already read it. Sorry! I messed with it. Maybe I shouldn't have. Anyway, thanks for the feedback. Meredith is experiencing those passages we enter in life which make us wonder and question who we are, and who are they? :=] The quilt of people, like the color wheel just make more sense to us in a certain order. :=]

kalyse

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I think everyone feels that way at one point or another. For me, it was two semesters ago. For anyone that knows me, they know that I am massively a people person. I just need to be around people. They invigorate me and make me smile with all their little idiosyncracies (sp). But two semesters ago, I was so unhappy. And nothing I did would make me happy and I simply couldn't find a way to be happy. And I thought I had developed depression and it was freaking me out and all that.

But then I took a step back and looked at my life and realized that it was because I was very very lonely. And like you said, I could be in a group of my closest friends and feel like I was in a bubble.  It's a hard to thing to get over, and I'm still not sure how I did it. Trying new things, meeting some new people, reconnecting with old friends. It's a rut that we all fall into some times but we all come out of it eventually.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

u are all bunch of hippes go myspace is so much better

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I agree with you both.  I feel like that a lot.  You can be sitting with a group of friends in a conversation and not even feel actually present.  You just feel like you don't belong with that group.  You sometimes feel like you are not understood and that those people can't actually relate to you.  It's like never truly finding people that know you and you can relate to on many levels, especially a spiritual level.  It is definitely a frightening and lonely feeling and it does make you question whether you will ever be fulfilled or satisfied.  I believe that I am currently in that state because I feel like I am always disappointed when I don't find anyone that I can connect with on multiple levels.  Maybe it could be that my whole perspective and approach is wrong.  Maybe the answer is in a different source, leading me to learn to depend more on God.  But sometimes I think about how i yearn for something tangible, a person to interact with.

I love C.S. Lewis.  I recently read Mere Christianity by him.  I think I will check that book out.  Thanks!

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

yeah…we are all unique and so of course we all get that feeling, though often or not.
i used to feel like that often, and sometimes still do, but not as much as i did before. all i can say is that maybe, on occasion, yes, it is good to feel like one is on some brink of self-discovery. in my opinion, though, being alone in the crowd isn't a very good feeling.
i am a kind of person who enjoys (maybe too much) her alone time, and can get quite introverted. 
despite this, i see that if you take this feeling to the next level, it can get depressing. you could always feel completely alone and detached from ones you love most.
i don't know if what i'm saying makes sense or anything…i just don't think that feeling is one one would want to experience, is all

anyway, nobody experiencing this is alone, because somewhere along the line we all have felt it    :-)

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I think what you are saying definitely makes sense.  The feeling of being alone can be a very depressing and uncomfortable feeling.  I guess when we start stepping into a potential danger zone is when we have to really reach for those that love us and prize our uniqueness!  I think this website is a good meeting place.  We have all met other people that have felt the same.  And guess what?  We are all in agreement so we are all understood.

I don't feel alone here at the Gaia community.  How beautiful it is to be understood!

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I guess its natural to feel alone sometimes amid the crowds. If your not connected to those around you, it can seem like your not really with other, not part of the crowd. I can understand such feelings. Sometimes the loneliest places of all are the most crowded. Thats why its so easy to get lost in a crowd, one more person doesn't matter. I think thats why some recluses prefer cities where they can remain anonymous or nameless.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

It would seem that we're not alone in feeling alone.  Perhaps that can bring some comfort when you find yourself in this position - to think of all of us out there feeling the same way, we're all with each other.

I have social anxiety and do not like to “mingle.”  I don't mind crowds, in fact, the more people the better I feel.  I don't necessarily connect with any of them, but I will be lost in the crowd and not feel awkward for not making contact.

Several years ago, I opted to take medication to ease my anxiety.  I didn't really want to, but tried it anyway.  It has changed my life completely.  I can socialize and do things that I felt were impossible before.  I still have times where it is difficult for me to face new situations, but I can work on those situations much more easily now.

The opposite side of the “alone” is the need to be with others, uncomfortable in our own silence.  I think that would be much worse to deal with and more problematic than feeling like the odd-man out.

Keep well,

Kyuzo

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I definitely feel that way a lot.  Sometimes it's because I feel like I can't relate to anyone in the room.  That no matter how hard I try they won't really understand me. 

Other times, it's just a general loneliness.  Like I'm just separate.  I don't fit in and never will.  That kind of loneliness I can handle much better than the first one. 

Sometimes I wonder if at certain points in our lives we are so sensitive to the walls that people build, and the walls we ourselves have built that we can sense them, and that's where the loneliness in a crowd or group of friends/family stems from.  That sense of the walls people have erected around their inner selves for whatever reason. 

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I wonder if we may feel that loneliness because we may feel negative energy or vibes from certain people.  Do you guys ever feel like you are being pulled away from a certain group of people because the energy just doesn't feel right?

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Growing up an only child, and a Cancer, I can definately relate to everything that is shared.  I think I feel other people's energy alot more than I know, and often think it my own feeling.  As an only child, I didnt have anyone to validate my feelings for me, and was not used to being recieved.  It didn't feel safe to share my feeling with my parents either, so that has been the big rock I have been trying to pull up the hill.  Recently I have been working on this by being in a spiritual community, The Center of Light, and been able to come out of my cancerian shell quite a bit.  It is so helpful, and for me, pretty necessary to have people who are willing to recieve my feelings non-judgementally, and good for me to learn how to recieve others.  I am seeing how for so long I thought everything was about me, and am trying to let that old way go.  It is such a relief, and also because loving and serving is what my heart and soul has always decided.  I wish you all blessings on bringing love into the loneliness and being healed.  Thomas.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I can definately understand that feeling. I still feel it often in my own group of friends. It's not that they can't connect with me at all, it just seems like it's a different radio station (forgive my bad example). One thing that helps me when I'm really getting too deep in that emotion, I try and dive into a conversation, even if it doesn't help for more than three seconds.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Sure have, Rachel.   

In high school and most of college I was a loner.  In my early 20s I became queen bee of a group of witty, smart, independent women.  Instead of feeling belonging, I felt anxious and insecure, afraid of being found out as a social outcast and exhausted from being 'on'.

Now, in my 30's, it's been years since I've been part of a socially-focused group, and I don't know if I'll ever get back to being in one.  The uncertainty can be a bit unnerving.

I go through spurts of reaching out to others and things not 'sticking', often feeling rejected afterwards.  And, spurts of not minding so much, doing things solo and as I deepen in my spiritual path, feeling inner peace while doing so. 

What may be going on for me is a subsconscious desire to be real vs. superficial, leading to reverb when in surface environments (even family). 

I hope that after reading our posts you feel belonging, and you deepen in feeling loved.

May you be blessed ~

Alana

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Ah. I know I am loved. I appreciate your words. There are so many interesting people here. Many with whom it is easy to connect with, some that require more effort. But still, it's nice to have some understand that this feeling is not simply a phase, but a simply a fact of life for some. Some don't fit in with the main crowd. I don't think it's a bad thing, although in the younger years it might feel that way. It's nice to be liked for who you are. For all the intelligence, quirks, idiosyncrasies, personality, and faults put together. Being genuine makes you feel great. And people, even those who are your opposites, admire genuineness, being yourself completely.

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Earlier today, I was thinking about something similar to your idea. I've been exploring more into how we each create our own individual world (or get stuck in our own ruts!) and I'm currently thinking about beliefs. What I've been reading speaks of our beliefs directly influencing our life. For an easy example about what I mean by beliefs (you could also call them “subconscious thoughts”), think about an overweight woman. She constantly tries to loose weight, and yet looks at her self in the mirror often and thinks, “I'm so fat!” Her “subconscious” belief is: I am fat. So she's going to be compelled to not exercise or to give into her will power and eat badly because that's what she believes. You can't think, “I am fat” then suddenly loose weight and become skinny.

Back to the idea of feeling alone, I've always felt this myself, but it seems to have gotten worse lately. I start a new class at school, try my hardest to make friends by being friendly and trying to have conversations, and it always turns out the same semester after semester: someone I've been establishing a relationship with leaves the class, or by the end of the class I'm the only one not included in groups- as in, people still don't talk to me much.

After reading about beliefs, it finally came to me (you think this would have been obvious!). I BELIEVE that I am alone. That is my underlying belief. If I change my belief to: I am NOT alone; I am one with those around me- then my circumstances will change. Simple! And yet it takes too long to realize these things.

About what you posted, I believe it has to do with our underlying beliefs about ourself (because whatever we believe, we create) and frequency could also play a part. If you're out of tune with others frequencies, you won't feel like you're part of the group.

Interesting topic :) Sorry for the lengthy response!

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

Being alone is what we all are.  In a crowd or not.  How many still have the same friends, with the same ideas, and the same level of education or knowledge as 5 or 20 years ago?  I have been trying to fit in every where I went in life, up in till about 6 months ago, when I left my husband for good; and the life we had together for over half of our life time was over.  We were friends for 17 yrs., and now that I understand why we can not be together, I realize that we were never together in the first place. 

There were plenty of times when we were would be out with friends that we had known for 5 yrs. or more and I felt like an outcast or just a pretty woman adding to the seen-hery.  I am very aware of my surroundings and have been for years, lots of times I did not know why I was so aware but, had I not been aware I would have never been so well liked as a fun and full of life person (ME).  

So I kind of see it as a blessing that I aware of being alone. Had I thought that I was apart of the crowd, I wouldn't be ME!    

and YES, I love to go camping and being out on the wilderness!-)  I do it often and it is refreshing to know that I can survive on my own in nature.  Just think, most people can't live without electricity for a few hours. Try 5 days or more, you will understand.   

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Re: Being alone in a crowded room

I lived in a tent on a mountianside through the Colorado winter and beyond, so I know what you are talking about.  We are a bunch of spoiled people I know, but it is also nice to know that camping in the middle of the wilderness waiting for something to come and eat you is not the answer either.  Neither is packing in your food on your back, freezing in the winter, finding that even the water in the can of veggies you have to eat is frozen, the everything is wet and there is no way to start a fire or to get warm, and that leaves do not make good toilet paper…..


Being alone is not all that bad you know, but being afraid of being alone is even worse.

Hang in there.  Things will get better, but only if you let them. You see, how you look at life is up to you.  Do you want to be alone?  I don't think so.  Or you wouldn't be here.  But hey, there are times when everyone feels lonely, that is why there are places we can come to connect with others, like this one.

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