I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

It is about a year since I first came to Diving Deeper.  At the time, there was a thread going in which there was a reference made to the comfort of this place, and that it was like hanging out on a front porch with Jenni, one of our beloved “regulars”.  Being part of this group was a lifesaver to me.  I was just getting my “voice” back, writing again for the first time in many years.  I wrote a piece that was intended as a thank you, and I think I called it something about Jenni's front porch;  it's now in my blog somewhere. 

Soon after settling in here, my marriage fell apart quite traumatically.  As I waited through the winter for my husband of fourteen years to move out, this place–no shit–saved my life.  I am now operating as a single mom who works full time, and my available time to dive deeper is now quite limited, but it still means a lot to me.

I offer you this as another open love letter to all those who write because they just have to, and all those who read because they just have to, like sleeping and eating.  I thank all the wonderful people who come here, to this place that is so real, and so important.

Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the Academy, and anyone else who couldn't find anything good on tv tonight, welcome to Jenni's porch.  I have outfitted you all with a fine chardonnay and I have lit candles.  The Bay City Rollers are singing softly on the turntable in the background–and why not?  This is my fantasy–I will play whatever music I want.

I have invited you here to say a big Thank you.  Monday is the Canadian Thanksgiving, and, being Canadian, I have  been counting up all the things I have to be grateful for–I ran out of fingers a long time ago.  For one biggie, I am grateful for miracles.  I grew up Catholic, and as I turned into a sensible, hardworking, pretty unhappy woman, I dismissed the notion that miracles existed. 

Let us now raise our glasses,  because I can tell  you without hesitation and only a little bit of slurring that miracles do happen–yes they do–I see you there shaking your head in disbelief. 

Recipe for inviting miracles into your life:

allow Mistakes, Disasters, Calamities of any kind to bring you to the point where you don't know What the Hell to Do, and so you

SURRENDER.

Isn't that a great word?  It is like the sound of a wave crashing on the sand and pulling back.  It is the sound of an exhale that comes from deep inside your body.  It is a spiritual free-fall, where you shout out from your most primal core:

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT.  IF ANYONE IS LISTENING, I AM OPEN TO COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS, DIRECTIONS OR REALLY GREAT RECIPES WITH FIVE INGREDIENTS OR LESS.

And then you just follow your nose.  Or your heart, or whatever body part feels like a good guide.  I don't advise you to follow your genitals–that tends to scratch the itch, but the rash is still going to be there tomorrow.

Let us be joyful for no reason.

Let us look into each other's faces and see beauty.

Let us be kind to each other.

Let us surrender to not knowing, and let the universe steer sometimes.

Let us write, because we just bloody well have to.  And let us spill it all out there onto the paper and let that be enough.  There it is.  I wrote that. 

Let us remember how to be foolish.  Let us remember how to laugh.  Let us remember that we are all beginners in some way, and there is no arrival point.  The answer to “Are we there yet?” will always, always be:

NO, BUT WE'RE GETTING THERE…

Wrapping you in a warmly feathered embrace,

Sparrow

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Oh, Sparrow…
so lovely.

a fine chardonnay, you say? I'm there ;-)

And such a big yes to all you say. The bit about allowing mistakes and disasters, and surrendering.

I can truly say the turning point in my own life came out of that recipe. Same kind of thing, end of a marriage, preceded by medical horrors (his), opened up the ancient wound I'd tried to keep so well buried. The emotional pain I was in was beyond belief.

I remember saying to myself,  - or maybe to God or the Universe or whatever, “I'll do whatever it takes.”  It took some years, but the combination of the 'disaster' and the 'surrender' seems to have been my way into a whole new life, one where not knowing and surrender is a constant process, one I can watch lightly, with love and gratitude, and yes, 'in the body', feeling, feeling, feeling, watching feelings, smiling on feelings. No need to 'do' anything with them.

I wouldn't wish what 'happened' for me on anyone, and I don't know if it is the only way, but my recipe is definitely: should something come your way that feels unliveable, the best way out is through, gently.

So, what does a woman have to do around here to get a drink???

xoxoxo smmooooch.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I have placed a tiara on your head, because you are the exalted Queen of the Porch.

xoxo

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Hanging back, just smiling and smelling the crisp cleaness of the air. It's sweet and woody and has an evening moisture to it.

So many here, so many faces.

Sharing in the sacredness of it.

Leaning back into the porch and thinking what other moments have played out here? First kisses? First Heartbreaks? First Breakthroughs?

Is a porch or veranda really where we gather, and the house hears us speak our hearts out? This is shelter and yet it is outside, we are still in the embrace of day or night. We are still in the embrace of home. It's safe here, to have sacred moments.

Its an open invitation, people on the street collect around and join in. Why not?

This is home after all.

Tears have fallen, joys have risen.

Masks have shattered.

All here know this. Know the depth of this.

Just hanging back with the silent ones, breathing it in and knowing the words spoken are echoes from within me too.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I love you sparrow and all that you say and I needed to see the porch again. I had forgotten it. I want to be there with you and just surrender and forgive myself and follow my heart the best I can.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

[silence]

Oh what the heck. I was going to be one of the silent ones Azyh mentioned (Just hanging back with the silent ones, breathing it in and knowing the words spoken are echoed from within me too) but gaia refused to let me send a silent message—apparently a message isn't a message unless it has words. What's up with that? :)

I loved this, Sparrow, beautiful and insightful and all good things. And besides everything, I especially loved this:

Let us be joyful for no reason.

It reminded me of a time five years ago when I was terribly stuck in a combination degree-finishing, relationship-ending hell, and who knew if there was even life beyond those endings. Around this time a good friend from way back when moved to the Island. One day we went to a clairvoyant she had heard was really good (she was into that sort of thing) and the first thing the woman did was instruct me to make a (silent) wish. Where I was at I really didn't even know what to wish for any more, and what came up wasn't even a word in my mind, more of a feeling that I later identified as: Peace. (Please. At whatever cost.)

And all I can say to that (after 5 years, mind you) is: Woohoo!

and

Let us be joyful for no reason.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,

Ruth

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I might have to start drinking again.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Sparrow, so sweet. Happy thanksgiving.

We learn to be brave, and to keep moving even when we can't breathe for the grief or fear or sadness. Thanksgiving is bittersweet. Your note (and hospitality) choked me up. I couldn't reply at first.

We have so much to be thankful for. My thanks for your kindness, and my gratitude to all the beautiful souls who gather here.

bows,
crow

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Sparrow,

So nice to be back on jenni's porch with you. I enjoyed your letter immensely, and marvel in its depth and brilliant resilience. I'm so thankful to have a place like the porch where we can gather and weather the storms together. Mostly I love the celebrations on the porch.
Thanks for inviting us to such a beautiful gathering.

Andrea

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Wonderful invitation, Sparrow, thank you so much.

I love anniversaries, high days and holidays. I love those occasions on which we feel inspired to look back, look at who we've been and what our  been to become who we are today. So much to be grateful for and give Thanks to.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, dearest Sparrow, and Happy Anniversary to you and to all of us.

One year of Diving Deeper with Sparrow!  And what a year this has been! A year of magical writing! So rich with love and laughter and pain and wonder, new openings and old endings (no idea what that means, really, but that's what came up…) and, last but not least, one year of writing from the huge heart of the bravest little bird I've ever known, the eagle heart who inspired us all.

Yes, I raise my glass to all of that and more, to what is yet to come, to what lies ahead and cannot yet be seen. What could there possibly be to fear (except for fear itself) with an unfailable recipe like the above?

allow Mistakes, Disasters, Calamities of any kind to bring you to the point where you don't know What the Hell to Do, and so you

SURRENDER.

Nothing to add to that.

So I raise my glass to all of us, to love and to life, a course in miracles and surrender.

Cheers!

With love,
Gabriele

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Thank you sparrow. It's been so wonderful having you here. I've long loved your voice. So chirpy and yet so sad at times. So much wisdom too.

This wine is delish. Yum. And the view from jenni's porch is grand, as ever.

I see beauty.

xoxo!

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I thought I would come over this morning and look around. A little early for wine, but we could have some tea or coffee yum and listen to the birds. I felt like being cozy and sitting in a rocking chair with my slippers wet from the dew. I had to walk on the grass for a bit. There is a little breeze so we can hear the wind chimes.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

ah dear friend Sparrow, thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this beautiful reminder to surrender into any moment, especially the most difficult ones. As the saying goes, serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but finding peace within the storm…

I am writing now to you as the rain is falling in the woods of coast line of Nova Scotia. I can feel the sea moving from my chair. It is impossible not to think about the past year - this month is your anniversary of arriving here in DD, and mine will be a few weeks from now. So much has changed for me personally during this time - in different ways… I am deeply grateful for this group, for Sandra and everyone, for the writing and most of all the friendships. For the laughter, the thoughtfulness, the encouragement, the frank responses and so much more.

I say a very big thank you on this day of Thanksgiving for us (the Canadian birds and beasts) for the wonderful moment of tripping over DD and joining in on this adventure. I would share the pumpkin pie I made, but I am afraid I ate it all. Thank you too for the wine because I seem to have drunk all of mine as well.. ! ;-) I will think of you later when I am walking on the beach.

much love to you all.

Leigh-Anne
xo

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Wow, what a beautiful visit to your porch. I feel like I am connected to all of you by the universal thread.

What you had to say Jenni is so what I needed today. Ended relationship, laid off 6 months ago, deep into college again and past memories flooding with their threat to disrupt my world. Hard work to learn heathy tools of breathing with the “sound of the waves crashing and pulling back” were not working for me yesterday and I surrendered to the despair. Today I woke determined to be strong and functioning again.

Your invitation so appealed to me and reading your words so struck a chord. It isn’t either/or. Life hands us some whoppers sometimes and we get to choose our response. Sometimes that has to be surrender to the pain and joy is in moving forward using the tools we have learned for coping and thriving. I didn’t die from the pain. I am alive today and know that there is so much more to my life than that. I was so touched by your message I sent your recipe to a couple of other friends who are bravely moving forward, taking the moments of joy to live fully.

Happy Thanksgiving Jenni
Misty

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

It is raining softly now, and we have moved on to hot tea and cozy sweaters.  Tom is singing a little ditty for us that he wrote himself, and Sandra is laughing so hard she looks like she's in pain. Ram has a guitar and is trying to follow Tom on his musical journey. Ruth is passing blankets around and pouring out fresh tea. Misty is singing harmony with Tom.

 We are all here together, all of us, and I am rubbing Jenni's shoulders.  Everyone is smiling.  I know many of you here, but there are many that I don't know; friends that  sit back quietly and just watch and listen.  You are special, too.  I am so glad for all the good souls here.  The porch is overflowing, but there is always room for more as new friends come to seek shelter from the rain.

Now Tom is improvising a funky dance to go along with his song.  He is teaching his moves to Andrea and Gabriele.  Leigh-Anne has been charged with the task of naming this dance.  She can't breathe right now for all the laughter.  The name will come later.

Azyh and Crow are sharing stories of hope and dreams, Ayla is hugging Sandra. 

We quiet down as the rain has stopped and the clouds have pulled back on a moonlit sky, revealing one perfect star.

We all join hands, close our eyes,  and make a wish….

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

oh sparrow, I almost don't want to say anything now, since what you wrote just now was so perfect. So I won't add to the wonderful time we are having on the porch, but i will say  thank you so much for rubbing my shoulders. The right side of my neck has been bothering me of late so that feels really good. I love holding everybody's hands.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

you say join me won't you?
My stock answer to such a question is ” is the pope a catholic?” Yes, wine followed by tea & coziness, & good company is right up my tree, and I will sing the Irish Ballad for you, by Tom Lehrer as I danse, the thingummy Jig around the porch, & I will get you all to join in
glasses raised to surrender,
thanks for the invite,
Me

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Well, thank God the Pope's Catholic.

I can see you dancing–you are magnificent!!

Sprw

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Sparrow,

I'm new to Diving Deeper so I appreciate your open letter and your openness to all of us here, those that are well-known and those of us that are not yet known well.

I am sitting on the bottom step of the porch, with my toes in the grass of the frontyard/backyard, enjoying the gentle breeze on my skin and the sound of warm and friendly voices in conversation behind (and beside?) me.

Writing because we must. Yes. I feel that. It's a desire so strong it's practically become a survival need. I am writing. And I come here to this community to read and share and be inspired. Thank you, sparrow, for inspiring me today.

Namaste.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Sparrow, this is a gem, a real gem.

While reading your letter, i was refelcting on my time here at DD and how you, one of great chirping, so openly welcomed me and encouraged me to swrite and to dive.  Thank you!  It is a warm and special place here, the sense of a net waiiting to catch us when we fall and being urged to fall is a gift to someone like me.

Surrender.  i am thihnking about a Mohammad quote that i will try to accurately:
“Surrender is easy once you have done it.”

I loved this sparrrow:
“And then you just follow your nose.  Or your heart, or whatever body part feels like a good guide.  I don't advise you to follow your genitals-that tends to scratch the itch, but the rash is still going to be there tomorrow.” 
and you can get crabs as well. which itches even more.

Much love and peace on yur porch for you and all.  Do you have any Egyptian Licorice Tea?

michael

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Michael, I'm bringing Celestial seasonings Red Vanilla madigascar tea, which is delicious with a splash of Gaia, almond milk & there's plenty for everyone and I can also whip up irish coffees from thin air for those of us who want to have a really wild time-please don't let me be the only one to go the whole hog, when it comes to waltzing down Party Avenue, it's much more fun if there's a gang of us doing it together- I take responsability for keeping the rhythm of the danse harmonious and for keeping myself  mostly vertical
Party on, but Sandra, don't drop that lovely tiara, from your head as you waltz-it really suits you, and we're all here because of/thanks to you and DD
peace & blessings,
Mike

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

mmmm, I needed that hug :-)
and as for my tiara, I'm hiding it under the porch for now. In fact I'm curling up in the hammock, under a blanket and going to stay there nice and quiet for a while.. just listening and being there. I seem to be very very tired these days so horizontal rules….

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

The Michael's have joined in song and are singing a lullaby to Sandra as she is rocked in the hammock. 

We have all kinds of tea here: licorice, chai, chamomile, you name it.  I thank you for the irish coffee, Mikey.  We can't be too virtuous.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

hey there, thought I would stop by for a chat and a sit down. my feet are killing me and my head has that numb buzzing feeling when I have done too much. So I just would like to put my feet up for awhile on the railing and look at the fall colors at dusk and rock and smell the dying leaves. I am wondering where the heck nono is and where is Ayla ???? I miss them here on the porch.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I am so new to this group and totally feeling wonderful about our visit on the porch. I enjoyed singing harmony with Tom. Observing the joy as I rest curled up in a soft chair with a cozy blanket and hot chocolate warming my hands, has given me a comforting feeling that I can face and move forward through all that life has for me with friends like this.

It’s good to know that each of you is also perservering through life “stuff” and taking the time to stop by for tea, an occasional impromptu dance when the music calls to our feet to move, to participate in the conversation or just observe in silence. Jenni’s porch and all of you who participate is a great restorative.

It’s a reminder that much good is ebbing and flowing, surrounding me with smiles and moments; its good to notice the moments of spark and let it take flame.

Thank you for including me.
Misty

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

La…la la la!

Singing on the porch…singing on the porch!

Skippety doodle and skippety do
Ha ha ha and hoo hoo hoo!

This is fun. I wish sparrow was God.

xoxo!

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I think I needed a good cry.  Haven't been able to squeeze out a tear in forever.  So I'm cozying up with my beautiful friends and having a good cry because Sparrow remembered me even after the dogs chewed through my cable for internet service leaving me unable to respond to her beautiful letter.

Okay.  I'm done crying now.  Tom will you teach me to play the guitar?  Can people with short fingers learn? 

sniffling still … guess I need to cry some more …be back later

I love you all

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

awww *hugs ayla* you need a good cry and lots of hugs! darn Winston and his chewing!

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

tip tap toe doo daa, sneaking in almost in my invisible mode now, yeah great, nobody saw me, goodies, aha, what's this? some kind of beverage *sniif sniif* ah… mmm whooawsa, it is good, a pope? eww [Nono shaking her head], I know about those and it ain't always been that certain what they are… but never mind it was so long ago, phsst, over 1000 years, and what is that? Nothing… good nobody sees me, goodie… *siip siip*

duu daa

mmm, I'll just hide behind this sofa and listen, have these good two ears and good two eyes and only one mouth – which I'll be keeping shut thank you, maybe someone tells something bada boom soon

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I had to fly away for a few days to do some stuff in the other world but I am tired out now and needed to rest on the porch.  Nishtha and I had tea and then Ayla came along and played guitar for us all–you were spectacular, dahling–and then Nono found Tom's worst tickle spots and attacked him relentlessly.

We have settled into comfy chairs.  We are all safe here from our troubles.

Life is good….

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

hi, so glad to see that nono and ayla came by to hang out even if nono insists on being invisible, at least that is what I gathered. i can understand that desire, to just be there and not have to  say anything. Sometimes I am too tired really to talk. i just want to listen and maybe read my book too. I would like to sit there in the dark tonight and just rock and get sleepy and go on up to bed. I would want you all there though.

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I just got home from driving 19 hours from the coast… hope no one minds if I just curl up on the porch in an empty corner… just leave a full glass of wine by my head, I will sip on it when I wake up..

xo
la

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Well, I'm leaving the porch now, though it's hard to leave such a fabulous party. I will miss all the wine, and chai tea and taking turns on the hammock, but I have to go to finer accomodations (Good Samaritan Hopsital to be exact.) I hope to be back to rejoin the party in a few days, so please keep a place on the porch warm for me. I might be one tumor lighter and on my way to feeling better every day.

Love to each and every one of you,

Andrea

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

Hi there… ahh well… geez,  I'm your new neighbor, across the world, and down the street..just over there.  I was walking by… (deliberately cause I couldn't help myself)  heard your laughter and welll.. here I am.   ya'll look so comfy and happy.  I hope I'm not interrupting.  It's hard to know sometimes when it's appropriate..Boundary issues.   and I want to be part of something …welll…it can be awkward.  I brought a bottle of nice red wine to share.  

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

hi breathh,

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

We have formed a circle and joined hands in silence.  We are filling ourselves up with joy, love and healing light and sending it to Andrea.  The Porch is humming with good energy–can you feel it, Andrea?

xoxoxo

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

And then we all push the really big button and the fun begins here
Let's dance ” the Harvey wallbanger shuffle”

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I was wondering where everybody was.  I thought I lost you all and dang! All I had to do was stop by the porch.  Thank you so much for the lovely glass of wine.  It has been a long journey to get back here and I don't know how long I will be able to stay but I am so grateful that I am always welcome when I turn up.  By the way, I knew this was the place when I heard the Bay City Rollers.  Just sitting here, I feel my bones loosen up and my blood slow down.  The air is sweeter amongst this warm group and I feel so relaxed…. 
Surrendering to the love on this porch.
Sigh
Smile
Peace
:)
Mame

     permalink

Re: I've poured you a glass. Join me, won't you?

I liked that joining hands for Andrea, let's do it again!  How's that Andrea?  Feeling warm fuzzies?

Speaking of warm fuzzies, I wish I liked wine.  It sounds so nice.  It looks so pretty, so sophisticated.  Then I take a sip and blaghck!  Sour grapes.  Maybe it's like brussel sprouts, an acquired taste?  It's just that I can't get past the first sip.  Guess I'll have to settle for a Mich Light. 

I was thinking about raking up all the pretty leaves in the yard.  Anyone want to jump in the huge piles with me when I'm finished? 

xo Ayla