Conversation with a stubborn You

Here…

Here I sit with the world

Tilted and dangling from a string

Tied to my finger, index of course,

Trailing as I walked earlier, along my own path

Into the forest:

You there, try to remember that it's there,

Dragging behind

You let it be bashed

Against the stony path

It is caught in the thorns, torn

As you scrambled passed

To find your own place to sit

in the last patch of sun left

Clearing

Watching

And waiting

Waiting for what?

The crows sit in treetops,

Screechng the mocking question:

As derisive as the waiting

For what??

WHAT DO

I yell for the sake of it:

YOU WANT - what from me?

You've cleared the path

Emptied the shelves,

Broken down the walls

Thrown away the excess

And everything else along with it

WHAT now do you look for -

Clambering over debris

Left to rot along the forest floor?

Ignoring the growth beneath

Young and tender sheltered

By the putrid mass above

Talking into the air so no one can respond

Look here:

This bruise here and there…

Scrapes and superficial wounds

You don't even remember how -

You silly twit - how they arrived

Lost in the clouds as always,

While the world drowned behind you

Do you know that blade that waits you -

To cut loose the life within?

Waits as long as you seek

To emerge from its leather sheath

To breath the crisp air

Drawn against the flesh

Held a moment long enough

To reflect the sun like a sigh

Then will cut away the last threads that

Hold you

- me together

I can't help but think of how

I have been waiting -

Waiting to come home

When this blade of truth finds me,

When the point meets me

With perfect union -

Spills my own blood, my own life

My own ideas, my own fears

My own hopes, my everything…

And yet

I sit here in false serenity

Waiting and seeking

Talking with my self still

While the world around churns

in agony:

The Truth that eats

The false promises you made yourself

The plans gone like brittle leaves in the wind

The Truth feeds itself

To grow until you can feel it

And the world falls away from your finger

You were never part of it anyway

Until all that is left is you, here.

The shadows grow longer as the sun

Slips beyond my reach

I will sleep here

Waiting for this death to reach me instead

Tomorrow I will wake the same

And yet not

In a forest I will not know any more

than I did before

Did I ever know?

In sleeping I untied the knot You had made

In waking - tied again and again

In living wanted, waited, loved

Searched, prayed, cried, laughed,

Shook, held, grew with You

Now, letting go

Undone

Live again.

To wake with the sunrise of

Another day

To fly with the wind

And where it takes me.

08.08.05

* I found this old poem this morning - was going through some old writing and it popped out at me… and given the underlying current of conversations and inner dialogue going on here, I thought it was a funny coincidence :-)
xo

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

this is extraordinary - alive - amazing -

may i ask if you meant scrambled passed or scrambled past?

Love,

Nicole

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

hi Nicole - it is scrambled passed - as though someone (“you”) goes by not as in past tense…
and thank you :-)

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

la,
Scrambled appears as the past tense of the verb. It could appear as past participle, as in “scrambled eggs,” I like this mis-reading of the line, taken out of context.

Past would be the correct preposition, meaning beyond.
It could also be that there are two verbs. scrambled and passed, as one might say; :”the subject tripped and fell down the stairs.


See these examples

The context here, and your explanation support “scrambled past.”

I found that there was so much going on in this poem that i did not notice until Nicole pointed this out. (Probably not polite of me to go into it any way.)

It took several readings to get the gist of it (I was tired,) but the poem rewards the persistent reader.
I especially liked the optimism at the end, but this part stood out to me the first time i read:

You've cleared the path

Emptied the shelves,

Broken down the walls

Thrown away the excess

And everything else along with it

In sleeping I untied the knot You had made

And the world falls away from your finger

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

thank you for more eloquently explaining my thoughts and expanding much further, will. I love the idea of hearing it read. Wouldn't it be cool if there were a way of posting voice clips here for those who enjoy hearing as well as reading?

Love,

Nicole

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

oh - and I forgot to mention this… I do have a way of letting you hear this spoken aloud. I will set it up when I am home tonight from work and include it here.

:-)

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

thank you both - Wiliam and Nicole, for the focussed review of the poem. I appreciate that you both have taken the time to examine it the way you have and give me your  I am sorry that it didn't really work for either of you entirely. Not sure what to say other than I will consider what you both have offered here by way of analysis and consider revising the poem. :-)

thanks

la

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

well, la, actually i really love your poem, my point is extremely minor so please don't worry about it.

Love,

Nicole

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

no worries at all :-)

xo

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

la,
sorry to offer such confusing remarks. Nicole raised the question about usage and I chimed in rudely after checking  some references.  I included a link to the grammar site which provided a clarification of word usage. I did not mean to criticize your poem. It is a perfectly good poem which worked for me on several levels.  I mentioned a few lines which stood out to me as i read through the poem for the second time.

I did mean to comment after the first reading yesterday, but my browser program crashed around that time so i thought that i'd give it a rest.

Over all my impression of the poem was positive, and i planned to re-read it and comment.
 When i did return, I found Nicole's note, so i went and did something else for a while and again came back even later. Since you had already answered the question about usage, I addressed that.
 For some reason, the phrase “Scrambled Past,” struck me as funny and I thought of the ways that memory plays tricks on us as we retrace the past, often revising it.

I did not want to go into much deeper analysis of the poem. I mentioned several of the lines which stood out and worked for me.
This did remind me of some poems I read by Adrienne Rich many years ago, perhaps it was in ”The Dream of a Common Language.” or ”Diving into the Wreck.”
The Dialog in your poem seems at once to be an inner one of two parts of the same person, and also the exchange between two separate persons. I thought of Rich's self exploring poems at once, but you end on a note about “letting go” and “Another Day.”  Since the rest of the poem  has images of  disagreement and separation  and also criticism,  I felt that the last lines had a positive tone  whereas Rich is often ominous.

I'm not suggesting a rewrite. I accept the piece as you presented it;  a poem from the past which may have  some serendipitous connection to other writings and conversations on DD at this time.

Also, i concur with Gabriele's observations about the sensuality and details in the poem as well as the qualities of the two voices.
 
For me, a poem succeeds when  a reader remembers it later and wants to look again. this poem does that for me, in the short term of a day or two, and you brought it out to share with us so for you It must have some significance also. I am glad that you did bring it out.

thank you.
-william

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

Oh, no need to apologize at all - I really do appreciate the analysis. I am not consciously technical writer when I write poetry. It is something that I don't do for myself where the poetry I have written is concerned - especially during the period when I wrote this. I end to just write - every poem is always first draft and I sometimes have a niggling suspicion that I missed something - didn't get across what was dogging me at the time.

I also think it is good to be reminded about grammar when it is necessary - in this case - I was wrong, had things mixed up. It is good to be corrected! That aside, I had the impression that the poem didn't work for you because it took you several reads to get the gist of it… which is ok - either way. If it doesn't work for you that is ok and if it does that is ok too.. that I think is the big challenge of poetry… I don't take it personally when it happens, when a poem just doesn't speak to a person at all. I have to apologize to you - I did read this very quickly this morning when I first woke up and didn't absorb everything that you wrote (which was all very good feedback, and I loved it). My only explanation to offer was having 2 hours of sleep due to a child sleepwalking all night and then those two hours coming when I had to get up to prepare for work (ended up late - bad me). I did not explain my reaction to your comments very well. You made me think - which is what feedback should do - and you are still making me think! This is good.

As far as having a ‘serendipitous connection', time will tell. I do firmly believe everything happens for a reason, whatever that reason might be.

Thank you again.

la

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

Leigh-Anne,

I think this poem is quite exceptional. I'm not really good with poems (when it comes to commenting, I don't really feel as 'safe' with them as I do with prose), I know too little of poetry as an art form. plus, in English, I often have trouble 'getting' the meaning in the minimalism of the form…

I'm not sure I 'get' everything that is expressed here, either, but I do get layers of it, and I think it's beautiful.

(and from 2005? whattaya mean, you had a life before Diving Deeper??? ;)

I love the sensuousness of it, all the way through. in the picture of the world on a string, the last spot in the sun, the crows in the trees… in the verbs that are used… the bruises, the sword, the forest, sunrise and wind… physical, sensuous, and powerful wording.

the voices,

 - one sounding more gentle, seeking, feeling within, feeling her way, resting in herself in spite of it all;

- the other one so unfriendly, harsh, accusing, disrespectful in her anger.

I must say, I love them both. their polarity is just beautiful. resonates in me. they both do.

the form is beautiful, too. the way the voices take turns, overlap, take over… very well done. it's like a story told in minimal form, and I really love the way it is told.

I thought of using quotes as examples of what I love about the language, the way it is written, the wonderful wording and pictures, but I can't seem to single anything out. it's in all of it.

as for the meaning, I read it as a kind of spiritual poem. the parts about seeking and truth and coming home and the sword are leading me there. the letting go in the end, not neccessarily of life entirely, but of meaning, of knowing, and holding on to… ???

remember the other time when a whole meaning of one of your poems escaped me, because I didn't know the meaning of something (it was that Hollywood theme…) if you see me stumbling around in the dark here in a similar way, please don't hesitate to enlighten me!

the part that I see and get is amazingly beautiful in my eyes.

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

Gabriele  - I don't think that you are alone when it comes to leaving comments on poetry. It is sometimes very difficult to do, especially in a free form poem. I have difficulties myself (even though I write in both English and French)… so thank you for writing as much as you did in response to this poem. I have decided that the writing I did before should now going to be referred as B.DD and will include that on anything ‘old' I post. Hehehe.

You are right - this poem is about the search for truth, following personal spiritual path (in this case my own experience doing so) and internal conflict that can rise up when truth is shattered by Truth.  Without going too much into the details of the period when I wrote it, I was struggling with certain realizations (that were like God reached down and smacked me upside the head and told me to wake the hell up) at the time that things were not at all what I had been lead to and allowed myself to believe. I think in the process of writing this poem at the time, was a way of trying to reconcile the internal division that I felt after actually finally knowing what was really going on. The two voices - one calm, caring, the other angry very much reflect the state of mind at the time - the conflict, self-loathing and mental turmoil. Conversation that came out between the two voices was about reaching a point of not only acceptance (and I was talking about true acceptance, not resignation) but to the point of being able to let go completely and move forward. (cutting the last threads).  

The sword for me has always had a particular meaning - that of being able to cut away everything that was not necessary (metaphorically of course - sometimes literally the sword doesn't always leave behind EVERYTHING that is needed :-P ) There is a universal meaning as well that was referencing - as a symbol of the Truth. There is no escaping that sword as they say. It is a hard hard lesson to learn, but necessary in order to grow, to live authentically and to ultimately be true to who you really are (or in this case who I am)

The setting of the forest was again a personal one - my favorite place to be. It's where I love to meditate, think, breathe etc. It is also where I feel the most open to my harshest critic (myself) and most vulnerable too. The woods just turned out to be a good way to illustrate the path through my own life without having to say ‘this is what happened' …

The concept of letting go is actually one that I have struggled with since writing this poem - the idea of not needing to let go of everything (which didn't include letting go of life per se but just everything attached to that life at the time) but not being able to let go without abandoning and letting go of everything… it was an all or nothing moment that I struggled against, and I think did ever since until recently. At least I didn't burn the forest down ;-)

As I mentioned in one of the earlier posts - when I sit down to write a poem, I don't think, I just write. I actually don't ever sit down to write a poem… the poem usually just grabs me by the throat and shakes me awake, demands to be written and heard (by me first and then consequently whoever chooses to read it after sharing it) … I have never taken the time to do a second draft of any of the ones I have written (and it is funny to me that I have a collection of a thousand or so poems now) - basically it is verbal diarrhea. One exit no waiting ;-)

Because of the serious tones of the poem, I am not surprised that the humour is missed in it - my own dark humour maybe because I think it is a funny image - of me (the ‘I” character) looking up to the tree tops to shout at the crows who seem to be mocking me, but in fact I am actually yelling at myself… or the fact that I am allowing what I am pulling by a string (my sense of self, my hopes and dreams, my love) behind me to go through so much because I am oblivious to what my own actions are doing - how they are impacting those aspects of myself… how they were being transformed to their demise, and mine.

Another challenge I have when posting poems here on this board (and it is a function of Gaia boards) is that the spacing etc is never right - I don't know how to fix that. It's a problem of transferring from MS Word to this platform I am afraid. I do love the suggestion from William and Nicole about being able to hear the poem - and as I mentioned before too, I will fix that easily tonight.

Thank you again Gabriele - sorry for the long-winded explanation.

Xo

la

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

funny how you tend to apologize for responses of yours that I really love!  :)

I thank you for that long explanation, loved reading it and getting a sense for where this lovely poem came from. I am more then amazed that you never edited this, I would have expected this to be the result of a long process, polishing the parts into perfect harmony… you don't seize to amaze me, LA!

yes, I missed the humour, too. I can see what you mean when you explain it.

oh, and about the posting - have you ever tried transferring your work into a basic program without format, like the editor of microsoft word or anything alike? any simple text program will do. if you need any particular formatting for your work you can add that here on the page, like bold letters and stuff…

I 'clean' everything up meanwhile that I don't type in directly - it's too frustrating to have your formats blown to pieces.

now I'll sign out for today. I've been tempted to stay much longer then I had originally planned!

love!
Gabriele

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

hehe, it is maybe a curse of being Canadian (we joke about how we say sorry for everything… but it is true perhaps) … as far as the process goes - it's never been a long one for poems… and maybe it is because I am just terrible at editing, I don't know. Writing prose is a bit different (with the exception of the assignments which is helping alot) - different process, longer yes and requires an editing mind… which I am developing!

I have never tried transfering the work… I will have to - it's something I never thought of doing. Thanks!!

have a good rest!

xo

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

Yes, from another Canadian, we have a joke - How can you tell if someone is Canadian? If you bump into her, she will say sorry :)

Love,

Nicole

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

hehehe yes that's it exactly

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

as promised…

conversation with a stubborn You


this is just an experiment… I am not sure if it will let me embed this video of the poem… if it doesn't work out then I will find another way!

la

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

I absolutely loved this poem! I loved the inner dialogue….it's brilliant! ~Josy

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

thanks Josy :-) you can hear it if you click the link above (though I sound like a dork reading it.. I will redo it some time)

xo

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

How nice to hear your voice, la.

This poem is very interesting, and to me, the language strikes me as a tad more brutal than what I am used to in your writing. I don't know why, there is no one example that I can pull, but in whole. Maybe it is the fact that I am hearing the inner voice, and it always tends to be just slightly more cynical.

Also, the length of the piece is interesting. It is indeed a conversation, and I found the two voices easy to follow because of the use of different fonts.  I have read it several times now, and will come back again. This is a poem that is not easily digested in one sitting, but that's ok. I am willing to come back a few times and read it as my different moods hit me, to try to gain perspective on the struggle and false promise that this character speaks of.

Andrea

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Re: Conversation with a stubborn You

thanks Andrea - it was a step out of my comfort zone to do that video but meh, it is good for me to step out sometimes … as for the poem.. it was not an easy period when I wrote this.. so I think that is what was reflected, and my inner critic is pretty vocal sometimes :-P there were some others from that time that reflect that same kind of brutal voice. Alot has changed since then I think :-)

xo

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